When Can I Have Sex?
Lim: When can I have sex?
By Melanie T. Lim
I was once asked about pre-marital sex by a young woman very close to me—someone who was, in fact, almost like a daughter to me. I remember weighing my words carefully. I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. On the other hand, I did not want her to go have sex with every Joe and John she met.
And so I told her the truth. I do not believe sex should only happen within a marriage. But I do believe sex should ideally happen between two people who have three essential elements in their relationship: love, intimacy and commitment, the key word being “relationship.” Under no circumstances do I condone casual sex.
“I am not telling you to WAIT until you get married to have sex because you could be way into your 30s when that happens or maybe it will never happen,” I told her. “But I am telling you to WAIT for as long as you can before going down that path.”
But why WAIT? Because the risks and consequences of early sexual activity are too many and serious to ignore: unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases that can cause sterility and cancer, not to mention death as well as increased likelihood of abortions, single parenthood or early and unstable marriages.
But perhaps the most compelling reason for waiting is because early initiation to sexual activity almost always sets a pattern of pre-marital behavior that will lead to multiple sexual partners. Aside from the health risks posed by multiple sexual partners, there is the equally important issue of dignity, respect and self-worth.
Will you one day regret having slept with your boyfriend when you were 15? Will you one day regret having slept with six other guys thereafter before finally meeting your lifelong partner? Will you one day regret having made the choice NOT to wait?
You can’t turn back the clock—remember that.
“And when you eventually make the decision to have sex, please remember that an affair you can forget but a child is forever.”
I firmly told her, “If you do not know about contraception then you are not old enough to have sex.” “If you want to have sex, then you must learn about contraception and practice it.”
And part of learning about contraception is knowing that contraception greatly lowers your chances of getting pregnant but it does not guarantee it. Condoms increase your protection against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) but they do not guarantee it. Only ABSTINENCE guarantees against pregnancies and STDs.
Television, in many cases, portrays sex as a casual activity without risk or consequences. But the reality is that aside from unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, sex carries with it many emotional consequences. When you include sex in the menu of your relationship, you open yourself to greater vulnerability and therefore, pain, when it doesn’t work out.
When your teen-agers ask, “When can I have sex?” Tell them the truth—sex does not come without risk or consequence.
Whatever decisions your teen-agers make, make sure they make it with the benefit of cold, hard facts. The young woman I counseled is now a wife and will soon become a mother. One day, she’ll be faced with some pretty tough questions too.
By Melanie T. Lim
I was once asked about pre-marital sex by a young woman very close to me—someone who was, in fact, almost like a daughter to me. I remember weighing my words carefully. I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. On the other hand, I did not want her to go have sex with every Joe and John she met.
And so I told her the truth. I do not believe sex should only happen within a marriage. But I do believe sex should ideally happen between two people who have three essential elements in their relationship: love, intimacy and commitment, the key word being “relationship.” Under no circumstances do I condone casual sex.
“I am not telling you to WAIT until you get married to have sex because you could be way into your 30s when that happens or maybe it will never happen,” I told her. “But I am telling you to WAIT for as long as you can before going down that path.”
But why WAIT? Because the risks and consequences of early sexual activity are too many and serious to ignore: unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases that can cause sterility and cancer, not to mention death as well as increased likelihood of abortions, single parenthood or early and unstable marriages.
But perhaps the most compelling reason for waiting is because early initiation to sexual activity almost always sets a pattern of pre-marital behavior that will lead to multiple sexual partners. Aside from the health risks posed by multiple sexual partners, there is the equally important issue of dignity, respect and self-worth.
Will you one day regret having slept with your boyfriend when you were 15? Will you one day regret having slept with six other guys thereafter before finally meeting your lifelong partner? Will you one day regret having made the choice NOT to wait?
You can’t turn back the clock—remember that.
“And when you eventually make the decision to have sex, please remember that an affair you can forget but a child is forever.”
I firmly told her, “If you do not know about contraception then you are not old enough to have sex.” “If you want to have sex, then you must learn about contraception and practice it.”
And part of learning about contraception is knowing that contraception greatly lowers your chances of getting pregnant but it does not guarantee it. Condoms increase your protection against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) but they do not guarantee it. Only ABSTINENCE guarantees against pregnancies and STDs.
Television, in many cases, portrays sex as a casual activity without risk or consequences. But the reality is that aside from unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, sex carries with it many emotional consequences. When you include sex in the menu of your relationship, you open yourself to greater vulnerability and therefore, pain, when it doesn’t work out.
When your teen-agers ask, “When can I have sex?” Tell them the truth—sex does not come without risk or consequence.
Whatever decisions your teen-agers make, make sure they make it with the benefit of cold, hard facts. The young woman I counseled is now a wife and will soon become a mother. One day, she’ll be faced with some pretty tough questions too.
posted by eager2wander at 3:04 AM
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